Old is a State of Mind

I started doing writing and researching about my home town of Rush because I wanted to better understand it. The biggest take away I have so far is that the place is still pretty much the same as it was 50 years ago when I was a child living there. It seems to draw or retain a predominant number of "Old People" who are the majority that keeps the place the same.

For "Old People" change is scary, so most everything is done the same way as it always has been done. If an "Old Person's" course was set years ago then no newfangled ideas need be entertained. Unique or different things and people are shunned or dismissed. The way it always been is fine, and unless there is some real powerful event to prove otherwise, no new ideas are accepted.

"Old" is a state of mind, not a state of physical age. I've got friends who are my age (60) that I consider to be "Old People". I really can't relate to them. Most times I relate better to people half my age, or those that act or think like them. Maybe it's because I am in the technology business and I need to adapt to change in order to make a living.

Douglas Adams is a famous science fiction writer. I think his approach to defining technology is very accurate when it comes to "old people thinking".

The "Old People" of Rush look out for themselves first and don't condone any future that confronts them. It's their needs first, not the needs of any other people (save for perhaps their immediate family, and sometimes not even them.)

As a kid growing up there I couldn't wait to get out of Rush. My parents were "Old People" who didn't seem to fit into the new world that I was encouraged to be a part of. Because of the other "Old People" like my parents, there was nothing for young people to do in Rush. "Old People" didn't encourage anything different or interesting. It's human nature to resist change and defend your beliefs, but it is difficult to understand the anger and resistance to all change.

Though I disdain "Old People" thinking I have always had had a better relationship with older people and older things. Since 2017 I have been interviewing the older residents of the town. I truly enjoy talking to them and hearing their stories. They have so mush to teach us.

My Grandma on my mother's side was a dynamic and buoyant teenager. She lost her mom early in life, and realized she needed to make her own way. She came from Pennsylvania to Rochester to attend business school and had all kinds of exploits with her friends and my future grandfather in the 1920's when they were teenagers.

Grandpa Jay with the string to trip the shutter. Grandma beside him. - 1920's

But the minute Grandma Jacox became a mother in 1936 with the birth of my mom, she instantly became an "Old Person". Her look and demeanor and personality changed the minute she became a mother. She looked and acted the same for the rest of her life.

Grandma Jacox and my Mom as a baby in 1936

I interviewed my Uncle and others that confirmed to me that "Old Person" thinking took over my grandmother and she never did any of the things she did as a younger person ever again. She had a plan and routine for everything and she imposed it on my mom and my Uncle their entire lives. In my opinion they both suffered for it, each in their own way. Nana was a good "Old Person" from her 30's until her death.

Grandma Wilma Jacox in 1979, shortly before her death

Don't get me wrong. I love old things and old people. I always have. I don't want to make it seem like I hate old things and people. It is exactly the opposite.

One of my childhood models built in the 1970's

As a kid I spent hours building plastic model kits. World War II airplanes were my favorite. In 2000 I became part of a history club of WWII Army Air Corps history buffs. Some were younger people like me, but there were a quite a few veterans in the group then. Most have since passed away.

Van and the Mustang P-51A "Miss Ginny" in Burma (1943)

One of my good friends was A. R. "Van" Van De Weghe. He was a fighter pilot in Burma flying with the First Air Commandos. When he turned 91 I always told people that he wasn't 91. He was 31 with 60 years of experience. Van never hit that "Age 35" thing that Douglas Adams talked about above. He was using a computer and trying new things until the day he died and I was helping him. He was never an "Old Person" and I could only wish to do as good of a job at retaining a youthful look at life as he did in older age.

And in case you are wondering, at 91 years old, the fighter pilot still gets the girl.

Van posing with a calendar pinup model at age 91.

I was really lucky in Rush as a kid because my Grandfather was always around. He was retired and lived two doors away. I could see him through tree line when he was doing stuff around his house. As a kid who "tinkered" with stuff, I could always go over to Grandpa's house if I needed a part or a "thing" to do a project.

Ward Darron in his natural habitat (1970's)

Grandpa Ward Darron was a real curious mixture of "Old People" culture and adaptability. He was of both a victim and an adherent of "Old People" philosophy. We kids always had a hard time giving grandpa presents. He was a mechanic, so we gave him tools and other "gizmos" that might help him. Years later after he died, we found all of them still in the boxes, never opened. He was an "Old Person" who wasn't ever going to use a new tool.

English Ford Anglia car manual. So simple that an "Old Person" could fix it.

Grandpa Darron started his career as a mechanic in the 1920's. He didn't graduate Rush high school, but he wasn't any worse for it. When cars started to get automatic transmissions in the 1950's, Grandpa Darron decided that learning this was too much for him. Luckily there was good work on trucks and tractors that had manual transmissions. He particularly worked on an English Ford car called the Anglia. So simple. No new thinking required

There are a few stories of how the inflexible and ignorant court of "Old People" opinion made things uncomfortable for my family in Rush. I think Grandpa wanted not to be part of another. I found a story about him that revealed that grandpa Darron had a "secret life" that he had to bury because he was afraid of the "Old People" thinking of Rush. Grandpa was scared to be a victim of the same culture of "Old People" that he was a part of. He went to a great length (literally) to protect his reputation.

My real Grandma Flora died when I was a baby in 1962.

Ward Darron and Flora Fielder of Rush were married in 1929 (taken 1927)

Grandpa remarried a nice widow in 1968 who was also from Rush. I got an awesome new Grandma that lived next door and she was always there for a chat and a cookie.

Ward Darron marries Irene Kuhls in Sept 1968

My dad was a prolific photographer of every event in Rush, and I started scanning all his pictures in 2005. One day, I was scanning his images and I saw this:

This is Rush Methodist Church and my Grandfather has his hand around the waist of some strange woman in church! But wait! It gets better...

OH MY GOD! THIS IS MY GRANDFATHER KISSING SOME STRAnGE WOMAN IN RUSH METHODIST CHURCH AND THIS IS ME IN THE RED PLAD!

How is it that I don't know anything about this when I am clearly a witness!

It turns out that my Grandfather was indeed married for a short time to this woman named Dorothy Cairns in 1967. Suddenly some things I heard before from my mother began to make sense. I was told that one day many boxes of our family history were placed at the curb for disposal. I found these boxes in my parent's house when we cleaned it up. There are hundreds of documents and pictures and other artifacts about Rush history that were in them. They have all been given to the Rush Historical Society.

One of the things from the boxes that were to be thrown away by Grandpa's new wife.

Seems that the new wife of my Grandfather wanted to be rid of the "Old People" and things in my Grandfather's life by throwing everything old away. This of course upset the natural order of things, and the boxes stayed. Instead Dorothy Cairns was gotten rid of. She and my Grandfather divorced soon after.

To avoid the social damage from the "Old People" of Rush, NY gossiping about a divorce, my Grandfather arranged to get a "Mexican Divorce". This avoided the spectacle of an "at fault divorce" trial that would be public and probably expensive. No mention was ever made again of Dorothy Cairns. If my "Old People" parents hadn't been such hoarders, we would probably would never have known. Today the idea of divorce doesn't offend as is once did. Or maybe it still does to the "Old People"?

Did you know that in New York State you had to prove that a divorce was someone's "fault" until 2010? This was the date when the law was changed. If you wanted to be divorced before then, you needed to prove "Cruel or Unhuman Treatment", or Adultery or Abandonment of over a year.

It is great for the "Old People" to keep and cherish memories. I want to aid in their endeavors to do so.

But at the same time my wish for the Town of Rush is for the "Old People" to stop and think more about the future. Think of the young people that will need to abandon Rush due to lack of opportunity, or lack of housing, or lack of drinkable water.

I pray that "Old People" look out the window and embrace some change that they are comfortable with. The choice of no change and no opportunity at all costs will lead to the downfall of a town that many love.